"The File Cabinet Monster"

We've all joked about the laundry machine being the “sock monster,” but at the office we have a standing joke about the “File Cabinet Monster.” Before I get to far ahead of myself I should probably let you know were I go to work hard or “hardly work” as I sometimes like to say tongue-in-cheek. It is the State Department of Documentation. We document any documentation that other State Agency's make. For example, say the State Board of Registration registers someone's request for a form to request information. The request reaches them after being processed by the State Department of Forms and Information and stamped by the State Convenience Fee Board. After the Board of Registration has processed the request, they send it to us to be documented before its sent to the State Department of Verification. I work in the “re-organizing” section of the Department, and, along with my seven co-workers, have the job of periodically re-organizing the paperwork which documents the purchasing of all chairs in my section. All this paperwork is stored in the “File Cabinet Monster.” Well last Wednesday (or “hump-day” as we jokingly call it) I asked my co-worker, Claudio Pumpernickel, if he was going out to Bill's Bistro for lunch as it was State Service Appreciation Day and as long as you had a State Service Identification badge you could get 3 % off a sandwich (not to mention the fun environment). He said he was feeling a little under the weather because he had stood up too quickly earlier in the day and his leg had cramped and he didn't think he was up for the rowdy atmosphere that Bill's always had on “State Worker Wednesday's”. I came back with “I think your out to lunch” which got a good laugh out of him, but he still didn't want to go. He did ask me to pick him up a pastrami beef bacon melt and some sun chips while I was out, and I tried to think of a pun that would use “bread” to mean money, because we were talking about sandwiches, but I didn't have time to set it up, so I just said ok and left. When I got there I waited in line for at least two minutes and was going to mention it to the cashier, but I was looking forward to a tasty sandwich too much to let it bother me. When I got to the counter I said “One pastrami beef bacon melt with sun chips for my co-worker and 'the usual' for me.” They didn't know what I meant, even though I had ordered the same thing every third Wednesday of the month for the last three years, so I had to clarify that I wanted the “Cowboy Classic” a sandwich I originally ordered because of it's playful title, but which got me “hooked” with its big flavor. The cashier told me my total was $15.00 which surprised me at first, but when I realized I hadn't told him I was in State Service I had a good laugh and reached for my badge, but it wasn't there. I looked in all my pockets, though I knew it probably wasn't in them as I always wear my badge on my belt in a State provided State Service Identification Badge clear plastic case with a retractable string. After several minutes of searching I came to the conclusion I didn't have it. I told the employee that I worked for the Department of Documentation, but had forgotten my badge, and prepared to hand him my $14.55. To my surprise and annoyance he told me that he couldn't give me the State discount without a State Identification Badge. I tried to patiently explain that I had been in State Service for twelve years and had come to Bill's Bistro every third Wednesday of the month for three of those years to take advantage of the 3% percent discount offered to State Employees. He still stubbornly refused and I, naturally, after informing him that he was losing a customer and that if this was the way they ran a business then they wouldn't be around long in this economy, knocked over a salt shaker that was sitting on the counter, and left. When I got back to work and signed out a visitor badge so I could get back upstairs to my floor I stood in the lobby for a few minutes to get control of my emotions. When I did make it upstairs I learned that Claudio had gone home on account of his leg being sore from the cramp. I thought about asking for the rest of the day off too, but I had already used up my vacation time, sick leave, personal development days, personal holidays TOFY days (Time Off For Yourself), DWYW time (Do Whatever You Want), and JB days (Just Because) so I figured I was just going to have to ride out the storm. I sat and stared at my “cubicle sweet cubicle” sign, which usually makes me chuckle, but today it didn't. After a while I decided to go perform those State Services which Bill's Bistro apparently didn't think deserved 3% percent off every third Wednesday of the month. As I walked to the File Cabinet one of my co-workers joked “going to see the Monster?” which made me laugh a little and put me in a lot better mood. When I opened the top drawer to begin re-organizing you can imagine my surprise when I saw my own State Identification Badge staring back up at me. After that I had to call everybody in the office together to tell them what had happened at Bills and then me finding my badge. I ended the story with “the File Cabinet Monster strikes again” and they all cracked up.